Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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