We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
