just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize