wat bout pragnant strippers??
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
