SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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