we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize