At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
