did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
