literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
