don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
