You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize