On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
