Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
this just has baby written all over it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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