So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We are all done wearing pants today
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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