you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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