I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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