Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
