I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
