Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
