my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
