it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
