This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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