How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
