i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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