One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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