I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
