Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
