Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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