I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
