did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
