I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
