Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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