He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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