My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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