shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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