smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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