I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
