OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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