Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize