I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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