I want to walk on stilts...naked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
