She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
