This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
