You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
