So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
