i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
