i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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