We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God, I missed his penis.
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