What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
