Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
