Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Everything about him screamed your future.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
