Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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