At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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