There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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