There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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