I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
