i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
