I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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