I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
