I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
