I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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